Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
