he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
