Soap is not a condiment
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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