maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
