had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
