He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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