He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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