i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I came so hard my ears popped.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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