Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
