how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
