you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
