im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
