dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize