Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
