Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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