You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
