I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
