I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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