DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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