Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
