That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's like iHOP with fire
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
