he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
