This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
