We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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