i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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