if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
