you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
