her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
