The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
