He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
