he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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