Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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