Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
