when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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