i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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