I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
