I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
