this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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