i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
