so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
