DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
