i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
