will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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