Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
