look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
