did you get engaged???
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
