I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
