So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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