Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
