Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
