the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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