WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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