May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
