I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I could fuck to npr.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
