Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
