If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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