she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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