dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
