I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the condom got lost in my hair
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
