I seem to have left my pride at pride
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
