We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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