Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
