C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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