Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
