she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
