yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
