I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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